


Jemily Jukebox

by Phoenix_Falls



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/F, One Shot Collection
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-22
Updated: 2015-11-18
Packaged: 2018-04-22 23:03:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4853972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phoenix_Falls/pseuds/Phoenix_Falls
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Collection of unrelated one shots based on random songs (but are not songfics) about Jemily. Rating set as M since I'm not sure what the individual ratings will be until I write it but the opening of every chapter has the song(s) what inspired it, a rating, any applicable content warnings and word count</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Do I Wanna Know/Need You Now

**Author's Note:**

> “Do I Wanna Know” by Arctic Monkeys and “Need You Now” by Lady Antebellum. No Henry AU. T rating for alcohol use and brief language. 1 669 words.

The night before Emily was left alone in Paris was night that was forever burned into her memory. It had started on the plane; no, it had started before that. It had _started_ the day Emily met JJ. It crescendoed to what she acknowledged was always an inevitable peak on a simple confession from JJ the night before she got Emily’s new IDs and bank accounts:

_‘You coded on the table, Emily.’ She’d said, her trembling hands twisting anxiously around each other as she sat on the bed across from the brunette’s. ‘I…I don’t know what I would have done if you had…’ she’d shaken her head and took a shaky breath like she couldn’t possibly bear to finish her thought. ‘God, I can’t ever find out what living in a world without you is like, Em. I can’t.’ she shook her head again as if dislodging a painful memory before looking up at Emily with wide, watery eyes. ‘I don’t want to leave you.’_

_‘You have to, it’s the only way to keep you safe.’_

_JJ’d clenched her hands into fists. ‘I can’t do this Emily. I_ can’t _. I was—_ we _were so close to losing you and I can’t just…’ she trailed off and flung her hands up in a helpless gesture. ‘I’m not strong enough to lose you Emily.’_

_Emily had slid off her bed to kneel down in front of JJ who had gone back to mindlessly wringing her hands, tears flowing silently down her cheeks and the next thing she knew, they were kissing like experienced lovers who knew their way around each other._

Emily drained the last of her wine and put her empty glass on the coffee table, settling back against the cushions of her couch. She always got like this when she was drinking—always replayed that moment and the glorious hours that followed. Always tried to stop the tape in her mind from going as far as the conversation about _‘I want to but we can’t. We shouldn’t.’_ after that. But it always came unbidden, she couldn’t stop it and it would sink her into melancholy.

“No,” Emily groaned, flinging an arm over her eyes like that would protect her against the waves of forlorn pensiveness that were gathering strength to crash into her. “Not yet.” She mumbled, her face flushed with the wine she’d consumed and the memories she’d been replaying.

She’d never told JJ she loved her, had always loved her, and she’d be damned if she’d tell her she loved her still. JJ was with Will. That’s why they  _couldn’t_ . That’s why they  _shouldn’t_ . That night was just desperation. Desperation to not be separated again. Desperation to verify that Emily was alive and (more or less) whole. Desperation to  _feel_ _something_ . They’d kept in contact through games of Scrabble, which they weren’t supposed to, it was dangerous, but neither of them was willing to give up all contact altogether and they were so careful. Sometimes JJ would play words that weren’t strategically helpful for points. Always words like  _longing_ ,  _miss_ ,  _heart_ ,  _love_ and Emily’s heart would always thud painfully in her chest while her mind told her not to believe that JJ was trying to tell her something.

When she’d come back and JJ was still with Will it was confirmation that JJ hadn’t been trying to say something. Funny, Emily would have thought maybe things would be strained between them because of Will but it seemed like the opposite happened. When she got back, JJ had clung to her like she hadn’t known she’d been alive the whole time, JJ had immediately made her feel welcomed back into the team, JJ sent her ten texts a day about nothing just because she could now. But JJ was with Will. Emily didn’t know why, there was something always off about that relationship and she figured a lot of it had to do with her feelings towards the blonde and her annoyance with herself that she’d basically given JJ the green light to pursue him. What if she’d just told her the truth? What if she hadn’t tried to test things by pushing JJ towards Will?

_ What if she had just been honest? _

Emily sighed and reached blindly over to the coffee table and picked up her phone, lifting the arm over her eyes slightly so she could see the screen. She shouldn’t give in to the desire to phone JJ every time she’d had a few drinks, but this was a ritual she was familiar with and she engaged the call once she scrolled down to JJ’s name without thinking about it.

It rang once before it went to voicemail.

_“You’ve reached Agent Jennifer Jareau of the BAU. I’m unable to take your call right now but if you leave your name, number, and a detailed message I’ll get back to you at my earliest available opportunity.”_

Emily cleared her throat.

“JJ…” Emily squinted at her wristwatch. “I know you’re awake since you screened the call…I don’t know why I’m calling to tell you the truth but…it’s a quarter after one, I’m a little drunk, and I need you now.” Emily shook her head and almost laughed at herself.

_“To review your message press one, to delete your message and rerecord, press two.”_

She hit the number two.

_“You’ve reached Agent Jennifer Jareau of the BAU. I’m unable to take your call right now but if you leave your name, number, and a detailed message I’ll get back to you at my earliest available opportunity.”_

Emily hung up and rolled her eyes at herself, ignoring that her vision was blurry with tears and not from the alcohol. She was being ridiculous, she knew. Things like this never kept JJ up at night. Emily never meant so much to her that the second a little alcohol made the slightest tear in her better judgment, JJ had to fight herself from getting a hold of her and tell her. Tell her everything. They were just friends and they would only ever be just friends and god, Emily was so thankful for that that it seemed almost disrespectful how much she pined for the blonde. Maybe in another life, but JJ was with Will.

That didn’t stop Emily’s thumb from hovering over JJ’s name in her phone though. It didn’t stop that thumb from shaking slightly with the effort she was making not to engage the call again. She could come up with something, some flimsy excuse to talk to her, just to hear her voice. That’s all Emily wanted, just to hear JJ’s voice say her name.

God did she ever have it bad.

“ _Fuck_ ” Emily exclaimed, moving her traitorous thumb to the other side of the phone so she could hold it in a vice like grip. She had to stop doing this to herself. It wasn’t JJ’s fault. If she had known Emily’s feelings she would have never allowed that night to happen knowing what it would mean to the brunette.

She frowned at the phone still clutched in her fist and drew her arm back to fling the damn thing away from her and her low impulse control when it started ringing. Glancing at the screen, she saw JJ’s name along with her picture and taking a deep breath she hit the button to answer the call.

“JJ?”

“ _Emily, hi_.” She sounded anxious. “ _I hope I’m not calling too late but I figured you were up since you just called a minute ago._ ”

“Yeah, sorry, I—”

“ _I left Will._ ” JJ blurted like if she didn’t say it she was never going to.

Emily shook her head, unsure if she’d heard correctly. “What?” she asked dumbly, sitting up and rubbing at her bleary eyes. “You left Will?”

“ _Yeah_ ,” JJ let out a relieved, nervous laugh.

“Why?” Emily couldn’t figure out what else to say, her mind was chanting ‘JJ’s not with Will’ like a hopeful mantra. But why would JJ need to call her at, she glanced at her watch again, one-thirty in the morning to tell her she’d left Will? Unless… “What did he do?” she ground out, almost a growl. JJ’s genuine laughter on the other end of the line unloosened Emily’s tenseness immediately and she smiled even though JJ couldn’t see her.

“ _Well…_ ” JJ took a shaky breath. “ _You probably don’t ever think about it, but do you remember that night in Paris?_ ” she didn’t wait for Emily to answer. “ _I don’t want you to think I’m asking for anything, Emily but I—that night meant more to me than I ever let on. I’m not a cheater Emily, I swear I’m not, but I didn’t think about Will at all and it hit me a long time ago that I don’t love him. I can’t when you’re around. I was fooling myself because Will was so easy…because I wasn’t scared of the emotions I had for him but I’ve been too busy being yours to fall for anyone new. I’m sorry Em, I should have told you before we—before anything happened. I know that it didn’t mean the same thing to you that it meant to me and that’s okay I just needed you to—”_

“I love you, Jennifer.” Emily said; interrupting JJ in the same tone of voice she had used to say she broke up with Will.

“ _I know, Em, but you’re not ‘in love’ with me, I told you, it’s okay I just—_ ”

“No that’s it.” Emily clarified, her voice a little more forceful. “There is no but. I love you, I’m in love with you. I’ve loved you for so long I don’t remember what it’s like not to love you, not to want you.”

“ _Oh thank god._ ” JJ breathed before sucking in a sharp breath. “ _Are…are you home right now?_ ”

“Yeah.”

“ _Good. Can I…would it be okay if I came over?_ ”

“Please.”

“ _I’ll be there in half an hour. Wait for me._ ”

“Always.”


	2. Matinee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Matinee” by Hurts To Purr. Fluff. K rating. 1 173 word count

Emily didn’t often play hooky from work. Normally, she would rather be sent home because there weren’t enough plague masks to go around than to call in sick—especially if she wasn’t actually sick—but that morning she’d put in a call to Hotch that she felt like death warmed over and despite the fact that there was nothing seasonal going around and she hadn’t even sort of attempted a sick voice, she never called in so he told her to stay home; they were just doing paperwork while the team was on standby anyway and he could have someone run the work over later in the day if she really wanted it.

She didn’t often play hooky from work but she’d woken up in the middle of the night when a realization crashed into her subconscious so hard she was startled from sleep and wasn’t able to get back to sleep. She needed time to process this new information.

Emily was hopelessly in love with Jennifer Jareau.

Emily had been in love before. At least, she thought she had, but all the other times, love crept up on her slowly. It started with initial attraction, went on to dating for several months and it built from there. With JJ there was certainly that initial attraction but she suddenly warped from playfully but sincerely interested to ‘I can’t imagine my life without her.’ It was startling. It had woken her up at two o’clock in the morning gasping for breath (though not at all unpleasantly).

She needed some time.

The realization wasn’t a quiet one, it hit her full force and suddenly she couldn’t think properly or breathe properly. Emily just needed some time to process so she called into work and went back to bed. But much like a child who’s woken up before the sun bright eyed and bushy tailed at the notion that it was Christmas and there was a wonderland of presents waiting to be unwrapped, so too could Emily not find any calm within her. She was a strange sort of excited and she needed to just stew in the feeling for a while.

Did JJ love her too? She didn’t know. They’d only gone on some dates but they’d spent the better part of the previous nine months dancing around each other until finally Emily caved into the tension and asked her blonde friend out. They’d only been dating for a month, when was it too soon to know? She hoped with more than she dared to admit that JJ felt the same way but she didn’t know if she could tell her just yet.

Emily ended up going to a noon showing of a semi-recent movie when she couldn’t take stewing in her thoughts any longer. It was a perfect day for screwing off from work and going to the movies. A light summer rain had started to fall by the time Emily got to the theatre in Georgetown and when she made her way to her seat, there was only two ladies in their seventies in the row in front of her and some bored looking ushers milling around the exits waiting for the movie to start.

Emily ended up watching the two old ladies more than most of the movie. It was obvious they were together and they would lean into each other to whisper something in the other’s ear at which point they would laugh or to steal a kiss. It was darling and Emily found herself speculating on how long they’d been together and how long she and JJ would be together. She liked to think that she and JJ would be two old ladies laughing in a matinee on a Wednesday afternoon while some other love struck thirty-something sat behind them trying to figure her life out.

When the movie was over, Emily had come to the decision that she was going to tell JJ how she felt regardless of what the response might be and she smiled warmly at the older women as they passed by her hand in hand and they returned the smile like they knew what part they’d just played in her life. It was still light outside as Emily walked to her car. It was disorienting in the best kind of way and the trip home had this dreamy surreal like quality to it that she couldn’t be sure if it was the effect of the natural befuddlement of going into a movie in the daytime and still having it be daytime, or the dichotomous sort of serene excitement her love for JJ had lodged in her chest.

When she made her way up to her apartment, she found JJ outside her door with two bags in hand and hand poised to knock. She turned when she heard someone coming up the hall and Emily felt a whole colony of butterflies take flight in her stomach.

“You’re so busted.” JJ grinned. “I knew you weren’t sick.”

Emily smiled back broadly and accepted the kiss JJ pressed to her lips, ushering her inside when she unlocked the door. “What are you doing here?”

JJ held up one bag in her hand. “Just in case I was wrong, I brought soup.” She held up the other and wrinkled her nose. “And work. Where did you go?”

"I went to the movies." Emily chuckled and fished some bowls out of her cabinet. “Can you stay?”

JJ shrugged. “I took a long lunch to bring you these. What did you see?”

"That new comedy."

"You should have told me, I would have gone with you. I should probably make you come back with me you know." 

Emily set the bowls on the counter and leaned into JJ, pressing into the blonde and kissing her soundly. “You probably should.” 

JJ nodded dumbly, a dreamy smile on her face as Emily pulled away. “I know just what to do.” She asserted, pulling out her phone. She held up her hand when Emily opened her mouth to protest and pressed her finger to Emily’s lips to silence her. “Yeah, Hotch? …Yeah, I just got here. Listen, Emily really isn’t doing well. I have my laptop in my car so I think I’m just going to work from here and take care of her…yeah…okay I will…no problem.”

JJ ended the call and dropped her phone unceremoniously onto the countertop and pulled Emily towards her in another heated kiss. “Hotch” kiss “says” kiss “he hopes” kiss kiss “you,” nip “oh god,” kiss “he hopes you feel better.”

“I’m feeling much better already.” Emily murmured into JJ’s neck before pulling back and draping her arms over her girlfriend’s shoulders. “I have to tell you something though.”

JJ smirked and went in for another kiss, only pulling back when Emily lifted her up to set her on the counter. “Can it wait? You’re sick and you should really get to bed.” JJ purred, slipping off the counter and tugging Emily by the hand over to the stairs.

“It can wait.” Emily replied with a grin, allowing herself to be led to her bedroom. After all, they had all the time in the world.


	3. The Call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The Call" by Regina Spektor. Prompt from w00t4ewan. Sort of Angst. K rating. 617 words.

“I’m so happy for you sugarplum!” Penelope Garcia squealed, twirling JJ around in her wedding dress. “This was great!”

“Yeah, not bad for last minute, huh?” JJ chuckled, squeezing Garcia’s hands in hers.

“Do you have a honeymoon planned too?” she asked, waggling her eyebrows.

JJ laughed to hide her discomfort and shrugged. “I’ve got some vacation time saved up, I think I’ll use it.”

Penelope kissed her friend on the cheek. “Well make sure you text me the instant you get back so I can hear all the juicy details.”

“Not on your life, Garcia.”

Penelope laughed and shrugged. “Worth a shot. See ya cupcake!” JJ watched Garcia move away to flag Morgan down whom JJ had already bid farewell to and the two of them left arm in arm.

It was the end of her impromptu wedding reception and every one on the team had left already save for Rossi who was somewhere in the house, Spencer who was showing a sleepy Henry magic tricks, and Emily who was…JJ looked around, where _was_ Emily? JJ spotted her near a back table which had served as a spontaneous place to put the presents that JJ hadn’t been expecting for something so last minute. She watched as Emily placed something on the table and turned around, smiling slightly when their gazes met.

“I’m heading out.” Emily said while approaching.

“I wish you would stay.” JJ said, the words out of her mouth before she could stop them or even think about what she was really saying.

Emily smiled and shook her head. “You know what they say about wishes and buts.”

“Yeah, yeah.” She pulled Emily into a hug that the profiler returned readily and the embrace lingered on a little longer than it had to before Emily was the one that separated them. 

JJ felt the heat rise in her cheeks at how close they were still standing and she couldn’t help but turn her head slightly to the side when Emily leaned in to kiss her cheek like Garcia had done though this one caught the edge of her lips. Emily smiled at her like she knew something she didn’t and kissed her forehead. “I left something on the table for you. It’s not much, but it is.” She said mysteriously before turning to leave.

JJ watched Emily’s retreating back for a moment before making her way to the gift table where Emily had been standing and found a CD with just JJ’s name on it. She picked it up and looked around furtively like she was going to be caught doing something she shouldn’t. Finding Will engrossed in conversation with her mother, JJ went into the house on the hunt for a CD player.

She found a computer in one of the guest rooms and slid into the chair in front of it, moving the mouse to bring it out of hibernation and opening the CD case. She took the CD out and took out the piece of paper folded carefully behind it and put the CD in the drive. The computer whirred for a moment before displaying what was on the CD.

_Track 01 Unknown Artist 3:05_

JJ looked at it curiously before opening the piece of paper, hoping there was the name of what was on it there. In Emily’s scrawling script that would be elegant if she tried was written: _When you’re ready, you know where to find me._

JJ’s heart thudded in her chest and she swallowed thickly before double clicking on the track to start it playing, her breath caught in her throat as the first strains started. 

_“It started out as a feeling / Which then grew into a hope…”_


	4. Leave The Lights On

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meiko – “Leave the Lights On” 763 words. K+ very mild angst

JJ swam back to consciousness slowly, a lovely ache settled prominently in her muscles. When she opened her eyes Emily’s face came into focus, watching her intently. Emily smiled and kissed the blonde.

“Welcome back to the land of the living.” Emily said smugly. She didn’t get as much time with JJ as she liked so when she did, she prided herself on being able to overload the younger woman’s senses with so much pleasure that she passed out.

“Shut up.” JJ laughed kissing Emily again. What they were doing was so wrong, JJ was with Will, but nothing had ever felt so right either. JJ didn’t mark herself as a cheater, at least she never had before Emily, but she felt more like she was cheating on Emily with Will than the other way around more often than not. “I really should go.” She sighed, making no move to get out of Emily’s bed.

“I wish you could stay.” Emily murmured against the shell of JJ’s ear and pulled her closer, not in any hurry to encourage her to leave either.

“I know but he’s waiting for me.”

Emily gave a morose sigh she tried to cover up as a regular expulsion of air but JJ saw through it the second air left from between her lips. “You’re right.” She acquiesced, rolling over onto her back and releasing her hold on the blonde.

JJ rolled onto her stomach and cupped a hand over Emily’s cheek but Emily still wouldn’t meet her gaze. “Let’s do this, Em.” She whispered.

“Do what?”

“I know that this is supposed to be a secret and that I have to keep it, but I don’t want to anymore.”

“Jennifer…” Emily trailed off with a warning. They both knew this arrangement had been her idea in the first place.

“I’m trying hard to make you see that all that you are is all that I need.” JJ said seriously, ghosting her lips over Emily’s. Emily did turn her head to look at her then. “I want to bring this to the light of day, I’m tired of hiding in the dark about how I feel about you, how I think you feel about me. We both know what’s between these sheets; it’s been more than just sex for a long time. Maybe it’s never been just sex.”

Emily closed her eyes and inhaled sharply through her nose. The room still smelled like sex, like her and JJ. She wanted JJ to be serious. “What about Will? And Henry?”

“Henry will adjust, he loves you. As for Will, I don’t know. He’s not going to take it well but he deserves to know. I’m yours Emily. I always have been. I’ve felt more like I’ve been playing you than I have been playing Will the last eight months. I can’t keep doing this because it’s tearing me apart and I know it must be doing the same to you.”

Emily shrugged slightly. “I’m willing to be with you in whatever capacity you’ll have me, Jennifer. I…I love you, you’re everything to me. If that means sharing you with Will, I’ll deal.”

“Emily you useless lesbian.” JJ laughed, kissing Emily languidly. “I’m telling you that you won’t have to share me. I don’t want to be shared. I want to be yours and only yours. I _have_ been yours and only yours but I want to make it official. I want to leave the lights on and not do this in the dark, hiding like we’re doing something wrong.”

“Aren’t we though?”

“I’m doing Will a disservice by staying with him. I love you, Emily. I want to be with you all the time, not just times I can make excuses for working late or when we’re away on cases.”

“When would you tell him?”

JJ yawned with a stretch and scooted out of bed, collecting her clothes. “Soon. Tonight. I have to do it in person, I owe him that much.”

Emily nodded. “But what about what everyone’s going to say? Isn’t this going to be trouble?”

JJ shimmied into her jeans and shrugged, looking around for her bra. “I don’t wanna run away anymore. It’s going to be a mess but I want this and if you want this too, that’s all that matters to me. You do want this, don’t you?”

Emily lay on her side and propped her head up with one hand. “More than anything.” She said smiling lazily.

“Then I’m going to tell him tonight and I’ll be back. Leave the lights on?”

“Always.”


End file.
